Tag: Caregiver

When Families Feud, Senior Parents Lose

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Children of elderly parents today may find themselves in a caregiving role, and often must share that role with their brothers and sisters. What happens between these siblings can be smooth or tumultuous, depending upon a number of factors. And according to research performed for the Home Instead Senior Care Network®, the ramifications of rocky sibling relationships can have a negative impact on the quality of care for the senior.
Dementia care can be particularly trying for sibling relationships. The symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease can be tricky to identify in the early stages, and the siblings may not agree on the senior’s capabilities, current condition, or need for at home care. Minnesota is home to an excellent array of home care services, enabling families to obtain personal care and companion services for senior loved ones. Making this choice provides respite care that can allow the sibling caregivers to smooth troubled waters in their family relationships.
The Home Instead Senior Care Network of Minnesota acts as the go-to resource for Minneapolis home care services, not only for Alzheimers care but for all levels of need, from an occasional home health aide to round-the-clock care. In this post we’ll cover some of the challenges that commonly occur in families with seniors who are experiencing declining mental or physical well being. Addressing these challenges through family therapy, legal counsel and respite care can make an enormous difference for both the family members and the senior.

How to Identify Family Challenges that Affect Senior Care

The most common challenges we see between siblings play out in familiar ways, including the following.

“It’s like we’re right back in childhood.” If you feel this way, you’re not alone. Adult siblings of seniors often have the same frictions crop up that they experienced as children. A desire to prove your point or a feeling that you are not being heard or respected may be a sign that your relationship with your sibling has not healed from challenges of the past.

“Mom can still take care of herself!” Some siblings may advocate assistance or enforced restrictions on a senior parent’s activities, such as driving or taking walks alone, while others feel these restrictions are demeaning to the parent and unnecessary. Some may worry that the parent is an accident waiting to happen while others feel more protective of the parent’s emotional well-being than fearful of any real or perceived dangers.

“Who is going to pay for that?” Adult siblings very commonly disagree over issues regarding estate planning, the topic of inheritance, and other financial concerns. All of these issues may crop up especially in a family where there are income disparities, perceptions that one sibling is a “favorite”, and of course anytime money and expenditures are a concern.

“When are you going to do your part?” One of the most common ailments in sibling relationships when a senior needs in home care or companion care is an inequity in the division of labor. This phenomenon, known among experts as “burden of care,” can go on for years, creating ongoing and deepening conflict among adult children who do not see eye to eye on how to shoulder the responsibilities of caring for mom or dad.

Strategies and Solutions for Feuds and Addressing Senior Needs

The challenges we’ve described, while difficult, are not insurmountable. Understanding that feuds and rivalries of this kind are common is a first step. The next step is to identify strategies to help.

Family Relationship Strategies

Dr. Ingrid Connidis, Ph.D., a sibling relationships expert at the University of Western Ontario, worked with the Home Instead Senior Care Network to develop the 50-50 RuleSM  public education program for sibling caregivers. “It’s hard on elderly parents to know their children are in conflict,” Dr. Connidis said. When a family is falling apart at the seams, the senior may be the one who suffers the most. Dr. Connidis highly recommends engaging parents in their own caregiving options as much as possible. Hold family meetings and involve third parties as needed. Professionals to consider as impartial advisors may include doctors, geriatric care managers, and attorneys specializing in family legal matters.

Senior Care Strategies

Obtaining in home care is another step to consider. Again, many resources exist in the state of Minnesota. Consider calling the Home Instead Senior Care Network of MN. Or perform an internet search on terms such as “senior care Minnesota,” “Home Care Plymouth,” and “in home care Minneapolis.” Whether home care for Alzheimers related symptoms is needed, or obtaining part time attendant services can help relieve the stresses on sibling caregivers, creating a workable strategy will help to maintain well being and quality of life for the senior.

Sharing Senior Care

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Tips to Help Sibling Caregivers Plan and Work Together

Brothers and sisters don’t often share. Mind blowing…right? How can siblings who once couldn’t agree on household chores now be expected to create a fair plan for taking care of their now senior mom or dad in their Minnesota home? The answer…they’re not expected to tackle caregiving alone. Home Instead Senior Care of Minneapolis can help.

According to research conducted for the Home Instead Senior Care® network, sharing the care of elderly parents can put a strain on the relationship between adult siblings. In 43 percent of U.S. families, one sibling has the responsibility for providing most or all of the care for Mom or Dad, according to a survey of family caregivers. In only two percent of families did the siblings split the caregiving responsibility equally.*

“Senior caregiving can either bring families together or cause brother and sister conflict,” says sibling relationships expert Ingrid Connidis, Ph.D., from the University of Western Ontario. “In some cases it can do both. These issues can be very emotional.” Connidis has worked with Home Instead Senior Care to develop the 50-50 RuleSM public education program to help siblings deal with the many issues of caregiving. Following are tips on how siblings can better share the care.

1.      Talk and listen. Research shows that seniors are so concerned about maintaining independence that they forfeit getting support. That’s why it’s important to communicate, preferably before your family is in the midst of caregiving.

Talk with mom or dad about what they need and want as they age. Would they prefer to stay at their Minnesota home? What type of home care would they like? Do they have a will or medical directive? All of these issues are better handled before a crisis occurs. To begin, schedule a meeting or telephone conference. Listen to each other’s questions and concerns then list the resources that your family will need through this journey.

2.      Research options. When you and your siblings have identified the types of services, interventions or care options that your senior needs, research elder organizations and resources in the Minneapolis community that can help. Try to divide the tasks so everyone has input and the opportunity to share their ideas. A good place to start is by doing online research on websites such as http://www.IHLCaregiver.com and www.caring.com.

Those sites can help you identify resources in your Minneapolis are community such as volunteer networks and senior service providers. Your parent’s doctor or a geriatric care manager can be of assistance as well. Contact us to get a copy of the book “Stages of Senior Care: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Making the Best Decisions,” for more resources and information about the changes you can expect to see in your elderly loved one.

3.      Plan ahead. Once home care needs and senior care resources are identified, you and your siblings will have a better idea what will be required of your family. For example, if your loved one wants to stay at home, consider whether someone in the family will be supplementing that care or if you will divide those duties among siblings. If you will be contracting for outside resources for your dad such as meals on wheels or in-home care, not as much hands-on care will be required of your family, but someone will need to coordinate that schedule. Remember that inheritance issues and estate planning disagreements also can lead to family conflict so contact a professional in those areas.

4.      Be flexible. Needs of a senior change as they age. Your family’s lives will change too. If dividing caregiver tasks equally isn’t feasible, consider a division of labor that takes into account each family member’s interests and skills, as well as their availability.

5.      Be honest. Even siblings who live in the same Minneapolis community can find it difficult to stay in touch and be candid about what’s happening to their senior loved one. It’s important to remain in regular contact with your brothers and sisters to avoid miscommunication and hard feelings. If you have become the primary caregiver and it’s getting to be too much, make sure your siblings know that you need help. Discuss specific tasks they can help you with such as grocery shopping or running errands. If you don’t live in Minnesota, check in often with the primary caregiver to see how it’s going. A geriatric care manager can serve as an important third-party mediator if conflict arises and an in-home care company such as Home Instead Senior Care can provide respite and hands-on support.

* The study, conducted by The Boomer Project, included 711 adults in the U.S. ages 35-64 with living siblings or stepsiblings, who said they either currently provide care for a parent or older relative, or did provide care in the past 18 months.

Happy New Year!

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The New Year brings NEW programs to Home Instead Senior Care of Minneapolis.  We are rolling out a new transitioning program.  It is called Hospital to Home -(H2H)

The idea of Transitional Care benefits both the discharge planners in hospitals, TCU’s (transitional care units), and Rehabilitation facilities along with the discharged patient.  Home Instead Senior Care wants to prevent unnecessary readmissions because a patient doesn’t have reliable help at home to help them recuperate.  We can be there to help- from Hospital to Home! Our team of Home Instead Senior CAREGivers that have been trained in H2H and been assigned to a specific location are waiting to assist and encourage as a patient takes the next step toward recovery. 

Transitional care often falls to the family and then falls through the cracks. Home Instead Senior Care’s transitional service assumes much of that responsibility which would normally be assumed by a family member – an aging spouse, and employed daughter or son or,surprisingly often, a next door neighbor.

Hospital to Home provides the family with peace of mind, reduced stress, freedom from employment conflicts, and the opportunity to maintain balanced lives and regular communications about the transitional care experience of their loved one.

Call us today for information!

#(763)544-5988